R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Most people—and I’m guessing given how things are in the world—think respect has to be earned. You don’t like your boss because he’s a bad leader, so you don’t respect him. Which then leads you to bad mouth him to others.

Maybe you had horrible parents who had no idea what they were doing and didn’t care to learn. You didn’t respect them. They did nothing to earn your respect. So you lashed out at every opportunity.

Perhaps you have a husband who really doesn’t seem to care about your needs. He doesn’t show you love. You don’t respect him at all, and he pretty much knows it.

The truth is, though, that we are called to give people respect whether they deserve it or not. Not matter who they are, no matter what they have or haven’t done, no matter if they agree with us or not.

People are image bearers of God, and we are to be respectful of them.

What does respectful behavior look like?

It looks like listening and finding out people’s stories before drawing a conclusion about them.

It looks like looking people in the eye when you pass them on the street or encounter them anywhere you happen to be.

It looks like remembering someone’s name because it shows you see them.

There has been a lot of hullaballoo about respect in light of the NFL players protest during the National Anthem. Many have said that’s disrespectful. In fact, some have been absolutely vitriolic in their condemnation of such actions.

But those who have taken the time to listen to some of the stories can understand the frustration that is felt by some of these men.

And really, if you’re not in the military, you can’t speak for those who are. I have a friend whose husband is in the military, and he didn’t feel disrespected by those actions. Others have.

I remember an incident that happened several years ago at the school where I worked. I was encouraging the daughter of a friend to tease her dad about making her late for school because of his struggle getting out the door on time. In my household, that would have been OK. But her mom called me later and told me that in their household, her daughter speaking to her father in that manner would be considered disrespectful. I got that. And I apologized. I can’t expect every family to interact the way my family does.

In the same way, not everyone would find certain actions disrespectful. Some would feel any variance from the strict code regarding the flag would be disrespectful. You don’t wear the flag as clothing. You don’t let it touch the ground, and so on. But they would understand that some people have been disrespected by the authorities in their country, and though they love their country, they want things to change.

You don’t slam another person’s religion.

You don’t criticize how another person raises their kids.

You don’t presume that every homeless person is an addict.

Being respectful means being mindful that every person deserves dignity just because they’re a person.

And people come before institutions.

A Flag, a Nation, and What it Means to Show Respect

Recently, a close friend of mine experienced something that appalled me and caused me to rethink the meaning of respect.

My friend Collin is a young, tall, good-looking man of color. He is married to Stacey, a petite, lovely white woman. Unimposing, articulate and well educated, Collin is currently pursuing his Ph.D. He is the father of 4; 3 biological children and 1 adopted son who is white.

Recently, Stacey shared an incident that happened when their family went to a restaurant they frequent. Their toddler, being, well, a toddler, was having a meltdown before their food arrived because he was hungry. In order to stave off further screams, Stacey asked Collin to go to the counter and get a cookie.

Collin didn’t have cash with him, so he pulled out his credit card to buy the $1.50 treat. The cashier asked for his i.d. He didn’t have his i.d. with him. It was in the car and it was pouring rain. The cashier proceeded to tell him that she would not sell him the cookie.

Thankfully, their food arrived shortly thereafter, so further meltdown was avoided. But Stacey wasn’t done.

Fully believing that she would not experience the same thing if she went to the cashier and attempted to purchase the cookie, Stacey, with Collin’s credit card in hand, approached the counter where the same cashier waited on her. She was able to buy the cookie with no problem.

But there would be a problem for that cashier as Stacey asked to speak to the manager.

To her credit, the manager was appalled and apologized profusely and said that was not the way they did business. But Collin and Stacey simply chalk this up as another example of experiences they have way too often.

Something needs to change.

So when I saw that Major League baseball player Bruce Maxwell took a knee during the National Anthem in Saturday’s Oakland Athletics game against the Texas Rangers, I saw his side. When NBC noted it on their Facebook page, I commented that one can love one’s country while not agreeing with everything they do. I actually thought Maxwell’s stance was very respectful. He had his hand and his cap over his heart and he was looking at the flag. He wasn’t disrespecting it in any way. He was acknowledging and bringing attention to the fact that things need to change. Click the link above and listen to his short statement. It’s very thoughtful.

Of course, by making my thoughts known in a pubic forum, I opened myself up to the haters. Although more than 100 people liked my comment, there were several who labeled me as “liberal” and “sick.”  Which is totally laughable if you know me at all.

I love my country, but by no stretch of the imagination do I believe that everything going on is right and good. We’re always asking our famous people to use their platforms for good, so why, when some of them do, are they then vilified?

Blind nationalism isn’t loyalty. I have been married to my husband for more than 26 years. I’m loyal to him and I love him with all my heart, but I’m not ignorant enough to think that he has no faults. I wouldn’t be much of a wife if I didn’t encourage him to be the best version of himself that he can be. Does that mean I don’t respect him?

I want America to be the best version of herself that she can be. Does systemic racism need to be rooted out and destroyed? Do people need to be made aware of their prejudices and educated about how to rise above them? Do we all need to be more willing to lean in and listen to people’s stories?

Yes, to all of the above. That is what respect looks like. It’s not about a country and a flag. It’s about people and how they are treated by others.

In just my one little comment on Facebook, I became a target for haters to label me. It doesn’t feel good, but I know that they are speaking out of ignorance. Will I condescend to name calling myself? No. I will pray for them, because Jesus alone can bring light where there is darkness. And He has tasked us with shining that light ourselves. “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:14-16, New International Version, emphasis mine).

I will let my little light shine.

 

photo of the Outerbridge family courtesy of Stacey Outerbridge; cookies from bettycrocker.com; Bruce Maxwell from complex.com; candle from friendsofjustice.wordpress.com

Wait, What?

I don’t consider myself a political activist, nor do I consider that I am fully informed about all that is going on in the world. And I take most of the things I read on the Internet with a grain of salt. I know that journalism looks less like the non-biased institution it used to be and more like a pawn of different political parties, and that bothers me, being in journalism for many year as I was. So I do tend to check out the things that I read. But unless I have access to the person about which the story is written, I know I don’t have all the facts.

That being said, there have been several stories in the news lately that made me stop and say, “Wait, what?”

First is the story of a man in Texas who was told by the manager of his apartment complex to take down the American flag on his apartment balcony because it was “A threat to the Muslim community.”

A man is flying an American flag. In Texas. How dare he be told to take it down? He wasn’t waving it in anybody’s face. He wasn’t yelling “death to Islam!” If those who feel threatened by the flag—and I’m guessing it was not a large number, but probably a vocal, like, 1—don’t like it, they can MOVE. You live in America, dude. Deal with it.

Then, I read about a military mom of 3 who was blasted on social media for her stance on her Constitutional rights.

Holly Fisher lives in West Virginia. Her husband is in the Army. She is pro life, believes in the Constitution of the United States of America, and is a gun owner. She also has small children. After the Supreme Court decision came down in favor of Hobby Lobby and other family businesses, Holly’s husband took a picture of her wearing a pro-life T-shirt in front of a Hobby Lobby holding a Chick-fil-A cup, which she posted online. Then, on July 4th, she posted another picture of herself in front of her American flag, holding a Bible and a gun. She says it was an illustration of her First Amendment rights. People compared her to a terrorist. She was appalled at some of the responses.

Later, after she complained that, due to ObamaCare, she had lost her baby’s cardiologist, someone on Twitter responded, “Good, I’m glad she did. One less conservative underling to worry about. Have a nice life.”

Wait, what? You’re saying it’s good that her baby is sick, has lost her primary specialist, and could be at risk for her life just because you don’t agree with the child’s mother? And what don’t you agree with? The Constitution? Really? How twisted is that?

Lastly, a Florida mom was arrested for letting her 7-year-old son walk to the park by himself. Remember that post on helicopter parenting I wrote recently? Stuff like this just makes me shake my head. This boy had a cell phone with him, had just made contact with his mom to say he was coming home soon and had been to this park many times before. Police saw him, questioned him, then went to his home and arrested his mom on felony child neglect charges.

Wait, what?

Could they not just have taken the boy home and cautioned his mom that it was probably not a safe idea to let her son do this alone? Was arresting her and totally freaking out her son necessary? How does letting your child walk to a nearby park by himself constitute felony child neglect? I let my 11-year-old daughter walk across the street to youth group by herself. I understand that there are bad people around, and I understand that it is not the same world in which I grew up, but this situation is completely beyond the realm of sense.

People are offended way too easily, they think the worst of people, they speak (or write) caustic, hateful words. It breaks my heart that decency seems to be nowhere to be found in the world today.

Heaven help us all.