I keep having this recurring dream. No, it’s not the one where I show up at a college class I never even knew I had to find out there’s an exam I’ve never studied for. I haven’t had that one in awhile. In this one, I’m driving a car and coming up to a stop, and as hard as I push on that brake pedal, I cannot get the car to stop. It’s a very out-of-control feeling.
Out of control. Yep, that’s what it is alright. I’m a mother, watching my son become a man, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not that I’m supposed to do anything about it. This is the way it’s supposed to be. But, take yesterday for example. We sent him off at 4:00 in the morning with about 100 people that I don’t know to a place we’ve never been to do something he’s never done before. Granted, the rest of the family would be meeting him there a few hours later, but still, the dream came.
Yesterday’s event was an Air Force Junior ROTC drill competition. Justin’s goal in life is to be an Air Force fighter pilot. It’s been my habit to thank active duty or retired military personnel for their service when I see them. Now, I do it with a bit of a tear in my eye as I think that someday in the not-too-distant future, that could be my son.
I’m having to release control, cut the ol’ apron strings, as they say. It started when he entered high school. Before that, he’d been under my watchful eye at our parent-involved private Christian school. When he started public high school, I felt like I was sending him into the lion’s den. He survived–even thrived–so this year wasn’t as tough. But I know that, in less than three short years, he’ll be leaving my little nest and I won’t have any control whatsoever.
Thank God that He’s still in control. And I can pray.
I know all my friends who have gone through this before are laughing at me–or maybe they’re nodding their heads in sympathy. That dream might come more and more often. And I’ve got two more kids to go after this one. *sigh* Those baby days were a lot easier than this. They are maybe not as physically exhausting, but emotionally, well, let’s just say I’m earning my gray hair.
I’m proud of the man he’s becoming. I pray that he seeks to stay close to God his entire life. That will make this letting go thing a lot easier on me, if I know he’s making good choices hand-in-hand with his Lord.
And it would be nice to hear “M’am, yes m’am!” around the house sometimes.
Thankful today for:
630. an extra hour’s sleep
631. sunshine with no sweating
632. pictures of fall in other places, because we have no color here
633. food when my stomach rumbles
634. the approaching holiday season
635. open doors