Stepping Up and Cleaning Out

A couple of years ago, my second son took a class for his Environmental Studies major at the University of Central Florida that had a community service aspect to it. So, like many of the other students, he volunteered at the on-campus Arboretum.

On Halloween day (somehow that seemed appropriate)  he went with a handful of other workers to clean out a wooden storage shed that was in the back of the childcare area on campus. This shed was used for all the random things like old equipment, projects, and old toys that weren’t currently being used. And, like many such storage areas, it had been badly neglected.

What had once been useful was now junk and thrown into the shed haphazardly. Since volunteers were available, this was a good project for them. Clean that thing out.

So, armed only with gloves, the guys entered  the long, narrow building. Nathan’s first thought when the doors were flung open? “Oh boy this is going to be a lot of work.”

You can probably picture it. The unit had all this stuff just crammed in, wall to wall, and it was extremely dusty. There was also a loft area equally crammed with stuff. Item by item they just started pulling everything out.

The stuff they were keeping they kept to the side and the stuff they were throwing away they piled into a dumpster.

One of the hundreds, trying to get away.

Before long, the most disgusting part of the job was discovered. After the items stuffed up against the wall were removed, suddenly hundred of cockroaches began skittering out of what used to be their nice, dark hiding places.

The guys reacted as you would expect: disgust. But they were also amazed at how many there were. Literally hundreds of these disgusting creatures had been living in the shadowy places that hadn’t been disturbed in years.

So, killing them when they could by stomping on them and bashing them with plastic baseball bats, the guys persevered in their task.

By the time they were done, the shed was emptied and everything was swept out (and most of the cockroaches were dead or back in hiding within the walls) the team felt pretty good about what they’d accomplished. It wasn’t perfect, but it was much better than before. Only about 20% of the objects from the shed were deemed worthy of saving and everything else was hauled off for the trash.

But you know what was notable about that job (besides vast quantities of cockroaches)? Not one of the people assigned the task stood looking at the mess and thinking, “I didn’t make this mess. I didn’t allow those cockroaches to be in there. I didn’t even know this existed. Why should I have to do anything about it? It wasn’t my problem to begin with!”

They were assigned a job, they saw the huge mess, and they went in and did what they could to get it cleaned out.

The problems we’re seeing in our country with police brutality, abuse of power, and systemic racism didn’t begin with us. The problem predates the current administration. It predates the administration before that, and the administration before that, and the administration before that.

In Genesis 6:5, way back in the beginning of mankind, it says, “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”

This isn’t just a cultural problem, this is a spiritual problem, Pastor Tony Evans, founder and senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, and founder and president of The Urban Alternative, said recently in a video, “Don’t try to change the nation if God can’t even change your heart.”

We’re seeing the disgusting mess that has been allowed to pile up through years of neglect. We’re experiencing the fallout of a system left to its own devices. And once the doors have been opened and the ugliness has been uncovered, something has to be done about it. Just shutting the doors and letting the cockroaches take over is not an option.

And let me just say this: I don’t think all cops are bad. I don’t agree with the idea that we can do without law enforcement. Believing that people will just “do the right thing” when given the chance has been proven by all the looters to be naive. But I definitely support reform and an abolishment of the brotherhood that says we take care of our own no matter what.

Did we cause the mess we’re in today? No, but we’ve let it stay hidden for far too long.

Guest Post: Demons

Sometimes my 18-year-old son, Nathan, surprises me. He balks at traditional education and procrastinates writing for his classes. Then he shows me poetic masterpieces that absolutely blow my mind. The first one that captured me was composed several years ago for a class project. It was about Yellowstone National Park. It’s still one of the best things I’ve read. I’m keeping it forever. Maybe someday I’ll share it here.

He handed me the following yesterday and gave me permission to share it with you. Enjoy.

Midnight comes and midnight goes

He tries to go to sleep but his eyes won’t close

His mind is in turmoil as he tosses and he turns,

He longs for some release but the nightmare returns

No peace can he find in the comfort of his bed

For no comfort can drown out the war zone in his head

He tries to cry out but his mouth won’t open

Desperately he searches for something to put his hope in

He’s drowning in the tears that are streaming from his open eyes

Screaming as his demons escape and start to terrorize

He knows that alone he is too weak to defeat this

Too weak to beat the demons with nothing but his clenched fists

So with pulsating veins and eyes turned upwards

He tries to find the strength to formulate enough words

To call upon the only one who is strong enough to save him

The one whose power is enough to cause the mountains of fear to cave in

And in the suffocating darkness he gasps and he wheezes

His dry throat only able to choke out one word: Jesus!

Now it’s the demons who scream and run away to hide

And he’s filled with such warmth and peace inside

Cause the one who conquered death is there to guard his rest

And the weight of all his fear is no longer on his chest

Now midnight comes and midnight goes

But his mind is finally at peace… and his tired eyes close.

Nathan Reeves is a senior at Colonial High School in Orlando, Fla., where he is a student in the Cambridge Program. In the fall he will be attending the University of Central Florida, Burnett Honors College. 

Freshman Lessons

On the brink of his first day of sophomore year, I asked my eldest what he would tell someone just entering college. Here’s what he said: Get a longboard and study harder than you did in high school.

That was it.

I would have wanted something like:

• Always listen to your parents because they know way more than you give them credit for.
• If you don’t know time management yet, learn it quickly because you’re going to need it.
• Get enough sleep!

Th0se are some things that I would have said, anyway. But that’s not what I got. And that’s fine. I’ll give you, then, just a few things I would tell a person just entering college.

• This is your time to do things yourself. You need to make the phone calls or send the emails to professors or financial aid offices or academic advisors. Trust that there are people around you who know a lot more than you do about college and your major, and their job is to help you. Don’t let opportunities to pick their brains pass you by. You have to take the initiative. Mom and Dad aren’t (or shouldn’t) be doing it for you.
• College costs a lot of money, so even if you’re on a full-ride scholarship, you need to make it your priority. Believe it or not, you’re not in college to just make friends and have a good time. You’re actually there to learn things that might help you in a future career. The “study more than you did in high school” advice that my son wanted to give is good. Don’t blow off classes. Get a good assignment reminder app and USE IT. Zeroes will suck the life out of your grade. Don’t miss turning things in.
• Just because you pick a major early on doesn’t mean you have to keep it. If you get into your studies and determine that you actually find the subject boring or just not what you thought it would be, it’s not too late to change. Maybe the last semester of your senior year is too late to change. Or maybe even your junior year is pushing it pretty far, but freshman and sophomore years are good times to really try and determine what you want to do. Don’t live someone else’s expectations for you. Figure out what it is YOU really want to do.

Do I wish my son had done some things differently? Yes. He thought he could breeze through and, as a result, he lost his scholarship. And he can’t get it back. But he’s not out drinking, doing drugs, sleeping with his girlfriend. He has a good job and a vehicle he’s responsible for. He’s respectful and doesn’t get into trouble. He learned his lesson: study harder than you did in high school. I expect that this semester will go a lot better than his previous ones.

As for the longboard: be careful of uneven pavement.

When Dreams Die

As parents, we are told to never push our dreams on our children. If we didn’t make the swim team, we are not supposed to force our kids to swim. If we always wanted to be a rock star, we are urged not to hand a guitar to our kids and order them to play. I get that. We didn’t do that. No matter how much I love baseball, I didn’t make my boys continue to play when they didn’t want to.

But no one told us what to do when our kids’ dreams change.

For 4 years our eldest lived and breathed JROTC. He rocked the uniform; he earned the promotions; he participated in the competitions; he won the awards. We emotionally invested ourselves in the dream he expressed of flying in the Air Force. We spent countless hours coaching him through his application to the Air Force Academy. We made sure that we were checking in along the way, ensuring this is what he wanted to do. When the Academy didn’t pan out, we wholeheartedly threw our support behind his entrance into UCF’s Air Force ROTC program. We bought the Air Force T-shirts and put the bumper sticker on our car. His dream became ours.

Then, one day a few weeks ago, he told us he didn’t want to do that anymore.

Wait. What?

He had decided he wanted to drop out of his college ROTC program and change his major. Now, for a freshman just halfway through his first semester, changing his mind on a major is not a big thing. But what happened to the dream?

I felt like I had whiplash. What was I supposed to do now? I had the bumper sticker, for crying out loud!

OK, step back. Take a deep breath. Here are 3 things to do when their dream changes and your dream dies.

1. Assure them that you will support them whatever they decide. Of course, my younger son then informed us that he was moving out tomorrow and heading to “Hungaria” and joining the circus. Seriously, though, Justin needs to know that it’s OK to explore options, as long as he’s doing it for the right reasons. Is he changing for fear that he won’t succeed at what he wanted to do?

2. Give yourself room to grieve the dream, and let them in on the process. I shared with both my sons how I was feeling about this change, and that, in the process, I would be asking questions more for my own sake than for his. (That’s the conversation where the circus came up. Thanks for keeping things light, Son.)

3. Ask them how you can help. With a change of major, even in freshman year, came the need for a conversation with a new advisor in the new college of study. All this had to happen fairly quickly so he could register for his next semester. My question to him was, “What would you like me to do for you?” He asked me to research a couple of things for him relating to what he was considering pursuing next. I can do that. And I can pray. Pray for him and for us as we try to refocus.

I really don’t care what he does. I honestly don’t. He can be a garbage collector (though that might not be the best use of a college education), as long as he is listening to the Lord and doing what He wants him to do.

Getting a bumper sticker off the car is another issue.

image from sourceseekers.com

The Freshman Edition

Our first act as the parents of a college student was to attend orientation with our son. Here are a few things that I took away from our 2-day adventure at the University of Central Florida.

1. They separated the parents and the students for a reason. My son needed to receive all the information for himself. If he had questions, he needed to know where to go to find the answers. He’s a smart guy; he can figure things out.

2. Our role is changing from parenting to coaching. I’m fairly certain this is going to be the hardest part for me. How do you take something you’ve done for 18 years, and just stop doing it? Granted, I’ve tried to back off a lot this last year, but the hard, cold fact is, I like to be in control. Letting him navigate his own way is essential. We’re always here if he wants to ask us anything, but I need to let him come to me. There are benefits to him living at home, of course, but the downside is that he’ll still be around for me to know what’s going on. I will have to learn extraordinary self control to not fall into my old habits.

3. We still have a lot to learn, both about ourselves and about our son. How will I react if he doesn’t receive the waiver he needs from the Department of Defense Medical Examination Review Board that will allow him to continue his ROTC and hopefully Air Force officer career? What will I do if he fails an exam or even, heaven forbid, a class? How do I keep the lines of communication without being smothering? What subjects are off limits for me to approach?

Overall, I’m more excited for this next year than anything. I’m excited for the experiences my son will have, for the people he will meet, for the connections he will make. I’m glad he’s going to be close by so that I don’t have to miss him. It’s a new and exciting stage that I’m sure won’t be without its challenges, but I know will be significant in his life.

Stay tuned to That Senior Year for more of what I glean from this freshman year.

What advice do you have for us as new college parents? I’d love to hear from you.